2 December 2011
I had a somewhat complicated and confused dream last night. I’ll add the details that I can remember and hopefully in the right order.
We are driving along a country road at night, and we have stopped. It is Viet Nam and the car is a taxi. I turn to Madeleine and ask if she is feeling car sick. I have trouble hearing her answer, but eventually she says that she is. I get the car to stop.
I am carrying her outside. We are on the road. We are on a mountain on a curve in the road. I look up and the stars are spectacular! It is breathtaking! The entire Milky Way is visible. Jo says something about the approaching wave and I look out into night, but I cannot see anything.
At first I am not worried because I don’t believe her, but then doubt begins to erode my confidence. We get back into the car only it is not a car. We are huddled along the side of the road. There are three people there one of whom is Jo. I lay down in front of the them and tell them to hold onto Madeleine.
It is something about the wave taking the children away or changing them like a science fiction story. I’m convinced that Madeleine won’t betray us, though, and to survive we will need to hold onto her.
Then we are in a house. It is quite messy and unkempt. There are several adults there. The interactions between the adults is unclear to me now. I can’t quite remember it, but there is some slight conflict and tension between the others. It doesn’t involve me. Then there is a knock at the door. It is someone we know and they enter.
Then there is another knock at the door. It is the police. I tell everyone else to leave. Apparently, we have a secret exit. Everyone runs around while the police wait very patiently and quietly at the door. Finally, I open the door and the officer is leaving. I bring him back and admit him to the house. He sees the children’s furniture — there is rather a lot: small chairs and tables and what not — scattered about and accuses us of harboring a child. I argue that we are parents who lost our only child and have kept her things to console us.
The dream ends there.
3 December 2011
I had a series of confused and anxious dreams last night. Fortunately or unfortunately, several things woke me up during the night and I have at least now an impression of what I dreamed about. Interestingly enough most of my dreams had something to do with sleeping or at least trying to sleep.
First, I dreamt that Madeleine (my daughter) and I were in bed, but we weren’t sleeping. We were talking, telling stories, and playing games! It was fun. It was similar to when I put her to bed and tell her a bedtime story. Usually, I take too long or at lease Jo, my wife, thinks I take too long and is annoyed with me. We heard “mom” come in the front door and I said, “Mom’s home! Quick, pretend like you’re asleep!” and we ducked under the covers. It should have been funny, but I was scared that Jo would be really angry if she found out we weren’t really asleep!
In the next dream, I return to the first. But, this time, Madeleine and I are both up. Jo and someone else is in the house. I’ve done something, I don’t know what, to cover up our sleeplessness, but now we’re both up. Whatever it was, I had changed the sheets on the bed and who ever else was there found a damp spot on the new sheets and wanted to change them. I got out the old sheets and was trying to cover up the “thing” that caused me to change them in the first place. I don’t know quite what it was, but I was trying hard to keep attention from it. I was tense and anxious throughout.
I got the bed made undiscovered and Jo got into bed to go to sleep. I worried she would find “it” — whatever it was — but she didn’t. Then, I got her up because I was angry at her… again, I don’t know why. But, then I just ignored her. Go figure.
There was a third dream; it was similar to these two, but now can’t remember it even enough to describe it. Having described the first two just drove the third one straight out of my mind. It was something about trying to further cover up misbehavior and aggravate Jo. They were an unhappy series and I woke up tired and irritable. Sheesh!
4 December 2011
I dreamt that Madeleine and I had gone to a store. I was looking at products on the isle mostly sweets cookies & crackers, I think. After a while, I noticed that Madeleine wasn’t with me any longer, but I wasn’t too alarmed. I kept shopping. Then, I realized that a lot of time had passed with her not being there. I began to worry. I began to chastise myself about being a thoughtless father. I wondered if I could find after so much time had passed.
I walked through the store looking for her. Then, I would get distracted and I would realize that I had lost her. I would chastise myself all over again and begin looking again. At one point, though, I cannot remember how many cycles of this I went through, at one point, I told myself that it would be okay; she would turn up again; I needn’t look for her. I started shopping again!
Then I was walking home. I’m not sure of where we were — Vietnam, my mom’s in Texas, or some other place. And, then Madeleine was with me again.
I hate those kind of dreams. I used to have them about my dogs back when I had dogs. Now, I’m having them about Madeleine.
5 December 2011
I slept poorly last night. I couldn’t get to sleep very easily and then I kept waking up. But, I didn’t remember any dreams after waking up. It must’ve been the wrong place in my sleep cycle. I didn’t spend very long in stage 4 sleep, either. I woke up feeling physically tired.
I remember dreaming about being a long a road and going somewhere. I was walking. It was a big busy road like a highway. Then I realized I was walking into a bad neighborhood and I began to be a little bit afraid. There was an exit just beyond the neighborhood that I wanted to take. I thought if I just kept my head down and walked fast, I’d make through the neighborhood without a problem.
The dream shifted slightly. Now, I was going to catch a bus and it was a long way to the bus stop. I was afraid that I would be late… for school? work? I don’t know. And, I was driving a car. I felt safer driving the car. When I got to the exit, though, I couldn’t remember where the bus stop was or where I was going. I began to drive around looking for it.
I parked the car and began walking again. I was back at the highway and now walking back the way I had come. I was going to pass through the bad neighborhood again. I noticed that there was a path through some tall grass following a creek and maybe through some trees off of the road. I felt that I could follow it and be safer than walking through the neighborhood. I left the road to pick up the path. I began walking down it, but it kept fading. The path was little used and overgrown. Then I was next to the creek and had to walk in the creek!
Something made me want to hide. The dream ended there.